Спасибо партии родной: почему Минздрав решил запретить алкоголь по выходным

Спасибо партии родной: почему Минздрав решил запретить алкоголь по выходным

Если разобраться — кругом одни плюсы

Каждый отреагировал на сообщение по своему. Самые беспокойные начали заламывать руки — как же так! пропала страна! фашисты! даже при Горбачеве по выходным продавали! валить срочно, но куда? Финляндия близко, но там с продажами еще строже… А Америка далеко, да еще неизвестно, может, к трезвенникам мормонам распределят… В Германию? Там такая местная водка, что уж лучше свой лосьон для ванны употреблять.

Спасибо партии родной: почему Минздрав решил запретить алкоголь по выходным
фото: Алексей Меринов

Креативные достали калькуляторы и принялись подсчитывать, сколько нужно купить в пятницу вечером, чтобы продлить волшебство еще на два дня. Особо активные прямо в понедельник побежали закупаться впрок.

Большинство пустилось в старые песни о главном: как ломились к прилавкам в 1985-м, как пели частушки («Спасибо партии родной, что нету водки в выходной»), как выдавали две бутылки на руки, как уже в наши чудесные дни в сакральное время без трех минут двадцать три ноль-ноль делали спринтерский забег от прилавка к кассе со скоростью, что и не снилась Усейну Болту.

Ну а аналитики начали серьезно рассуждать, что ни к чему хорошему это не приведет, что возрастут продажи суррогатов и фальсификатов, а употребление денатуратов плодит дегенератов.

К обеду с новостью разобрались. Выяснилось, что никто пока ничего не запрещает, что все это идеи, даже еще не направленные в отраслевые ведомства для экспертизы и одобрения, а уж о законодательных решениях речь не идет, и уж точно не зайдет до президентских выборов, дай им Бог здоровья. И все успокоились. Ну, кроме тех, кто побежал закупаться.

А я тут подумал — лучше бы поскорее запретили. Потому что тогда все выйдет как с нашими санкциями Западу, которые, как понятно любому любящему родную страну, принесли нам только подъем отечественного производства, качественные продукты на прилавках, гордость за Родину и еще много чего хорошего. А вот что получится, если водку и пиво перестанут продавать по субботам и воскресеньям.

Спасибо партии родной: почему Минздрав решил запретить алкоголь по выходным
фото: Александр Корнющенко

— Расцветет малый бизнес: рестораны, кафе, бары, рюмочные, всяческие распространенные по малым городам «пить-стопы» и совсем уж мелкие опохмелочные;

— В связи с резким увеличением продаж самогонных аппаратов, а также комплектующих и запчастей к ним укрепит свои позиции металлургическая и металлоперерабатывающая промышленность;

— Встанет с колен фундаментальная наука. Сотни пытливых юношей и девушек пойдут в химические и пищевые ВУЗы, чтобы научиться правильному применению вышеупомянутых комплектующих и запчастей. Да и академики без дела не останутся;

— По той же причине (это мы уже проходили) в стране уменьшатся запасы сахара, а, стало быть, пирожных, конфет, варений и прочих вызывающих диабет и ожирение продуктов. А это, господа, решительный шаг на пути оздоровления нации.

— Какой будет футбол! Какой красивый и грамотный будет футбол, что в премьер-лиге, что во втором дивизионе! Ну, по крайней мере в тех матчах, которые приходятся на выходные.

— Возрастет посещаемость музеев, театров и выставочных залов. Хотя тут есть сомнения: на большинство современных культурных мероприятий никто давно уже на трезвую голову не ходит. Иначе не выдержишь.

— Укрепится связь поколений. Молодежь чаще будет захаживать к своим старикам. Хотя бы для того, чтобы услышать рецепты приготовления вкусных напитков из разного рода клеев, лосьонов и кремов для обуви. Короче, восьмидесятые вечно в наших сердцах. Ну и в печени.

— Что еще? Ну, в парках станет чище. Потому что вежливые тихие люди будут приходить на пикник, спокойно жарить шашлык, аккуратно прибираться, ничего не оставляя за собой: ни пакетов, ни осколков, ни павших бойцов.

— Все будет хорошо, если запретить продавать алкоголь по выходным. Жаль только, что этого не произойдет. По крайней мере, до президентских выборов.

Источник: mk.ru

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